a friend in need

this is specifically intended for certain people... so if you dont know for a fact that this is for you then its prolly not, but read anyway, as time goes on it might apply to more people...you can skip the 1st paragraph, its all bitching anyway...Well, I went to my first day of school at monadnock regoinal highschool... and I was totally nervous and not comfortable all day long, I mean I am just a single face in fourteen hundred... a new junior, Im graduating next year (hopefully not there but hypothetically if I have to)and Im starting over again, it took me till spring term to find most of my friends at a school where I lived with the people, so chances of me making friends by the end of this year are slim... and there is a prom that I can go to ... I dont care what any of you or any one else says, to hell with it, I dont like dances and the prom is supposed to be something really special... unless I meet some very special girl (or dare I say guy... oh wait its public school not happening) I have no reason to go to the prom... much less any other dance this year. Ok so classes... no homework on the first day, Im dissapointed because I want something to do instead of doing nothing and being able to just sit and think about how much I hate this new school. and Im a FUCKING JUNIOR PEOPLE!!! you should get homework wherever you are in your junior year... am I right?? and the homework amounts is ridiculous... in english for book reading... on average maybe 50 pages over the course of a week.... this whole year is gonna be a fucking cake walk... and I will die because I'm used to just learning something and moving on... no Im with a bunch of seniors who failed junior english and people retaking spanish 3 so we will go over everything again... and again.... and again. Im taking a frosh course cause its required for graduation.... oh well then US history... I have class clowns(seniors who failed probably)god its late... 2 oclock.... cant sleep... anyway.. math... the teach seems cool... english dude says that this year will learn to go above the text... its fucking humanities all over again but he dont like homework so yay for me much more stuff I could talk about but I cant see straight... so on to what this is really aboutflat out... I hate this school, I hate the setup and I dont know anyone... now, I know I told some of you this: I dont have nmh... ok I will survive if I have friends and music... well no friends... as long as I have my music I will keep my sanity... BUT I CANT LISTEN TO MY GOD DAMN MUSIC EITHER! what the fuck, the have taken everything I want to be happy, so you wonder why I dont want to wait a week or two before I say I hate this place??? this year is going to be pure hell for me... Im going to be a very fucked up person and I wanted you all to know that if I change that Im doing my best to hold on to who I am... Im trying to hold on to my identity, my sense of stability... it feels like my sanity is in jeopardy, now the reason I want you all to read this... I need to do the best I can to hold on to myself... but I know I wont be able to do it alone... I will last pretty long if I need but I really need the support of my friends... this next year I will be in more need of you than ever before... this doesnt mean drop your lives for me... I would never ask you to do that, I just want you all to know that I need you, with out you I have nothing, no reason to do my best,if I lose my sense of self this year... then nmh wont be the same for me and I wont return... I just ask that you dont forget me... I will be visiting and I want to see you all whenever its convenient... some of you are juniors and I know whats in store... kiernan... this is your slack year so Im comin to stay with you a lot, I dont mention other names just cause privacy, and kiernan you dont care so there...I will miss you all, I already do, I hope to visit soon, who knows how soon, I know I will be around like the third weekend??keep thy sanity with: another horse dreamers blues "tryin to hit the big one, one last time too not for, drunk fathers and stupid mothers and boys who cant tell one girl from another, so she takes her pills, careful and round, one of these days shes gonna throw the whole bottle down" Piano Man"sing us a song your the piano man, sing us a song tonight, were all in the mood for a melody, youve got us feelin alright"long december"The smell of hospitals in winter,And the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters, but no pearls, All at once you look across a crowded room, To see the way that light attaches to a girl"my december"this is my december, this is my snow covered trees, this is me pretending this is all i need"dont speak"as we die, both you and I, with my head in my hands I sit and cry, dont speak I kow just what youre saying so please stop explaining, dont tell me cause it hurts, dont speakin, I know what your thinkin, i dont need your reasons, dont tell me cause it hurts...closing time"so gather up your jackets, move it to the exits, I hope you have found a friend, closing time, every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end, ya, I know who I want to take me home"What its like"seen a rich man beg, seen a good man sin, a tough man cry, Ive seen the loser win, a sad man grin and heard an honest man lie, Ive seen the good side of bad and the down side of up and everything between, licked the silver spoon, drank from a golden cup and smoked the finest green"hailies song"sometimes I think theres nothing to live for, I almost break down and cry, sometimes I think Im crazy, Im crazy oh so crazy, why am I here am I just wasting my time? but then I see my baby, so lately Im not crazy, it all makes sense when I look into her eyes"hands"if I could tell the world just one thing it would be that were all ok"good riddance(time of your life)So take the photographs And still frames in your mind Hang it on a shelf of good health and good time Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial For what it's worth It was worth all the while, Its something unpredictable, but in the end its right, I hope you had the time of your lifewear sunscreen"you are not as fat as you imagine" "do one thing every day that scares you, sing" "dance, even if you dont have anywhere to do it but your own living room"memory, road to west, The REAL FOLK BLUES, space lion, all instrumentals... but all are just as greatcalifornia girls" and the northern girls with the way they kiss they keep their boyfriends warm at night"