ok so here is...

ok so here is my daily schedule.... ok period 1 english...50 minutes... the dude dont like to give homework, he doesnt require a notebook... but alll tests are open note tests... Im from nmh of course I take notes... moving on then I have 2:30 hrs of easy classes... or what I like to call break time... or even NAP TIME... 2nd period civics, its a frosh course.... easy, then study hall, then its intro to computers... Im using a computer now... then its US history no biggie, then lunch, followed by spanish 3 simple so far, and ALG 2US history... I got some homework that would take up like... 1 freshmen nmh class... but its due friday... assigned on tuesday... spanish... I do homework in classAlg 2... boring as hellcivics... bird course...fly right through itI miss every one and nmh... I guess I'll just have to come visit... how about... the weekend of the 12th?? ya that sounds good... if kiernan ever makes arrangements with me ;-)

a friend in need

this is specifically intended for certain people... so if you dont know for a fact that this is for you then its prolly not, but read anyway, as time goes on it might apply to more people...you can skip the 1st paragraph, its all bitching anyway...Well, I went to my first day of school at monadnock regoinal highschool... and I was totally nervous and not comfortable all day long, I mean I am just a single face in fourteen hundred... a new junior, Im graduating next year (hopefully not there but hypothetically if I have to)and Im starting over again, it took me till spring term to find most of my friends at a school where I lived with the people, so chances of me making friends by the end of this year are slim... and there is a prom that I can go to ... I dont care what any of you or any one else says, to hell with it, I dont like dances and the prom is supposed to be something really special... unless I meet some very special girl (or dare I say guy... oh wait its public school not happening) I have no reason to go to the prom... much less any other dance this year. Ok so classes... no homework on the first day, Im dissapointed because I want something to do instead of doing nothing and being able to just sit and think about how much I hate this new school. and Im a FUCKING JUNIOR PEOPLE!!! you should get homework wherever you are in your junior year... am I right?? and the homework amounts is ridiculous... in english for book reading... on average maybe 50 pages over the course of a week.... this whole year is gonna be a fucking cake walk... and I will die because I'm used to just learning something and moving on... no Im with a bunch of seniors who failed junior english and people retaking spanish 3 so we will go over everything again... and again.... and again. Im taking a frosh course cause its required for graduation.... oh well then US history... I have class clowns(seniors who failed probably)god its late... 2 oclock.... cant sleep... anyway.. math... the teach seems cool... english dude says that this year will learn to go above the text... its fucking humanities all over again but he dont like homework so yay for me much more stuff I could talk about but I cant see straight... so on to what this is really aboutflat out... I hate this school, I hate the setup and I dont know anyone... now, I know I told some of you this: I dont have nmh... ok I will survive if I have friends and music... well no friends... as long as I have my music I will keep my sanity... BUT I CANT LISTEN TO MY GOD DAMN MUSIC EITHER! what the fuck, the have taken everything I want to be happy, so you wonder why I dont want to wait a week or two before I say I hate this place??? this year is going to be pure hell for me... Im going to be a very fucked up person and I wanted you all to know that if I change that Im doing my best to hold on to who I am... Im trying to hold on to my identity, my sense of stability... it feels like my sanity is in jeopardy, now the reason I want you all to read this... I need to do the best I can to hold on to myself... but I know I wont be able to do it alone... I will last pretty long if I need but I really need the support of my friends... this next year I will be in more need of you than ever before... this doesnt mean drop your lives for me... I would never ask you to do that, I just want you all to know that I need you, with out you I have nothing, no reason to do my best,if I lose my sense of self this year... then nmh wont be the same for me and I wont return... I just ask that you dont forget me... I will be visiting and I want to see you all whenever its convenient... some of you are juniors and I know whats in store... kiernan... this is your slack year so Im comin to stay with you a lot, I dont mention other names just cause privacy, and kiernan you dont care so there...I will miss you all, I already do, I hope to visit soon, who knows how soon, I know I will be around like the third weekend??keep thy sanity with: another horse dreamers blues "tryin to hit the big one, one last time too not for, drunk fathers and stupid mothers and boys who cant tell one girl from another, so she takes her pills, careful and round, one of these days shes gonna throw the whole bottle down" Piano Man"sing us a song your the piano man, sing us a song tonight, were all in the mood for a melody, youve got us feelin alright"long december"The smell of hospitals in winter,And the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters, but no pearls, All at once you look across a crowded room, To see the way that light attaches to a girl"my december"this is my december, this is my snow covered trees, this is me pretending this is all i need"dont speak"as we die, both you and I, with my head in my hands I sit and cry, dont speak I kow just what youre saying so please stop explaining, dont tell me cause it hurts, dont speakin, I know what your thinkin, i dont need your reasons, dont tell me cause it hurts...closing time"so gather up your jackets, move it to the exits, I hope you have found a friend, closing time, every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end, ya, I know who I want to take me home"What its like"seen a rich man beg, seen a good man sin, a tough man cry, Ive seen the loser win, a sad man grin and heard an honest man lie, Ive seen the good side of bad and the down side of up and everything between, licked the silver spoon, drank from a golden cup and smoked the finest green"hailies song"sometimes I think theres nothing to live for, I almost break down and cry, sometimes I think Im crazy, Im crazy oh so crazy, why am I here am I just wasting my time? but then I see my baby, so lately Im not crazy, it all makes sense when I look into her eyes"hands"if I could tell the world just one thing it would be that were all ok"good riddance(time of your life)So take the photographs And still frames in your mind Hang it on a shelf of good health and good time Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial For what it's worth It was worth all the while, Its something unpredictable, but in the end its right, I hope you had the time of your lifewear sunscreen"you are not as fat as you imagine" "do one thing every day that scares you, sing" "dance, even if you dont have anywhere to do it but your own living room"memory, road to west, The REAL FOLK BLUES, space lion, all instrumentals... but all are just as greatcalifornia girls" and the northern girls with the way they kiss they keep their boyfriends warm at night"

so ya its...

so ya its 1 am, I cant sleep, school tomorrow... I didnt read the summer reading... Im sooo fucking screwed... oih welll... Im really nervous... I dont know anyone... except supposedly my old 8th grade english teacher is now working at my new school... the school where I had her as a teacher is getting shut down... anyway... so besides her and three guy I worked with last summer... two of which I rarely talked toI cant decide if I should bring a frisbee or not to the first day... I will def spin a text book if I get one... I'll be surprised if I dont get some homework from all my classes...I was thinking while trying to sleep... I have bad feeling... I dont know what it is... but something bad... just out of reach.. .. must go parents waking up!!

strange v...

strange vision... its the end of the school year... not this new year... but the year after... peter and I were on the team together... we played together, we tossed, we ran, we won and lost... it was the last day... we were tossing for one last time.... before he left for good... grauation ended every one was leaving... and we were in back of crossley... he was leaving for good... so I ask for one last toss... and I ran.... I ran up the hill to the outfield of the softball field... peter tossed the disc it flew smoothly to the outside and was curving inward... it was too far ahead of me, I was running, it was gonna fall before I could get it... I dove into the air, my legs pushing me forward as hard as I could... by the edges of my fingertips I grassped the disc with my outstretched hand... as I fell hard onto the ground... dust around me rising from the impact... for a second I laid there in slight pain, I stood up with the disc in my hand... held it high above my head and yelled something... he raised his hand, and replied... he then stepped into the front seat of his parents car... and as it drove out of sight a pit in my stomach grew into a cavern... it had come to an end... the final inning had been played ... and I finally broke down... I just let it all go...

at the p...

at the party I had a few sips of vodka with OJ... and some one who I would have thought would beleive me... doesnt, they think I was affected by the amount of alcohal I took, I didnt say anything that would seem like symptoms but its odd that 2 out of 6 people did get drunk or drink at all... I hapeened to be one of those two... is it so hard to beleive?? I mean I can understand my mother having doubts but if I claim that my best friend can back me up.... and actually every one there can back me up... and they still have their doubts!!! AH!! I hate it when I'm not beleived...

wow a lot has h...

wow a lot has happened... it is now monday morning... it all started sat night... my mom and lil bro were at the races.. I was waiting for ramon and maria and kiernan to come pick me up and it was like 10:30... we were gonna try and go to a movie... but we failed... anyway they got there as my mom was pulling into the driveway and she still let me go... even after she talked to kiernan who was acting stoned... he wasnt... and she knew very well that I wouldnt return for a few days... SO we left there and drove down to NMH looked around northfield campus... we drove to hermon... then we just went back to kiernans house... it went from 10:30 at night to like 2:50 dont ask me where the time went... we made a few stops... I had fun... but it was late so I went to sleep when we got to kiernan's house.. more to come later

it came jus...

it came just as it was expected... it came on slowly, and was very strong... it over whelmed me, it is over taking me, like a liquid shell covering ever part of me... changing and evolving me... into yet a new stage of my life... will I be a pretty butterfly? no... this transformation is one of bitterness and cruelty. Anger courses through my thoughts... no... no NO! I wont let it, not again, I will not let you get the better of me, not again never again, I wont let you bring me down, music purifying my soul cant be heard... pressing the sound into my ears.. into my body... my mind, tempting all the pain in my heart to go into the music... let me be, I cant be free with this hanging on to me, holding me backlet go... I wont let you bring me down, I cant let this shit bring me down, again

My Decision It...

My Decision It was about my future, about my education, and about what was supposed to be best for me. That’s why I was so reluctant to make a decision. So much was at stake and if a mistake was made it would be too late to go back and change my mind. The loss of my friends and what was home made me reluctant to go to Monadnock instead of NMH. It took me a long time to come to a conclusion. That time was strenuous and it pained me to think of starting over at a new school yet again. The final choice was a difficult one for me to make. Although leaving NMH was not part of my plan, it’s relieving to know that I will no longer have to worry about it. There will be less stress hanging over me at this new school. There is nothing that can be lost anymore in my mind. I see my time at this new school as a time for preparation. If the only way to go is up, then I will set myself up to go above and beyond my previous limitations. When I re-apply to NMH my grades will show an improvement in my effort and my abilities to perform as a student. This leave of absence is only temporary in my mind. I will be satisfied with my time as a student at NMH. When the time arrives I will be able to return to what has been my home for the past two years of my life. Finances will no longer be a wall in my path to graduation. Grades will be my gateway to college and I can rest at last knowing that my full potential has been reached at long last.(piece of writing about my decision to go to a different school, it was summer homework for me)