day of registration at mondanock

today I went to my new highschool and registered and got my schedule... well I have US history Academic (highest), Alg 2, English G1(not the highest but second highest), spanish 3, a studyhall .. but Im going to be driving during that class and I have drivers ed after the school day... and I have auto 1, and I have civics which is a freshmen class... I get to be that old kid in class who acts stupid...actually it will probably be a bird course... you "fly" right through it... and I will have intro to computers... oh shit that will be hard... my spanish teachers name is Mrs. O'brian... let me get this straight... I have some one of irish heritage teaching me spanish... riiiight... oh well what everThat and at this rate with all my credit from nmh... next year the only class I have to take is senior english.... and then Im all set for graduation... but I still want to go back to nmh...

recent...

recently I have been getting into the whole punk ska scene.... and its great... its upbeat, and I love some of the guitar playing from blink 182 in the cd take off your pants and jacket..... or is it take off our pants and jack it.... I dunno, either works... hehethat and I like evanescence now I get all my music from my friend ben and its totally great cause he keeps buying more good cd's and I just burn a copy for him and I just copy them onto my computer... now all I need is a bigger harddrive hehehe... kiernan!! you are helping me with that...First Date LyricsBlink 182Take Off Your Pants And Jacket In the car I just can't wait,To pick you up on our very first dateIs it cool if I hold your hand?Is it wrong if I think it's lame to dance?Do you like my stupid hair?Would you guess that I didn't know what to wear?I'm too scared of what you thinkYou make me nervous so I really can't eatLet's go, don't wait, this night's almost overHonest, let's make this night last foreverForever and ever, let's make this last forever (2x)When you smile, I melt insideI'm not worthy for a minute of your timeI really wish it was only me and youI'm jealous of everybody in the roomPlease don't look at me with those eyesPlease don't hint that you're capable of liesI dread the thought of our very first kissA target that i'm probably gonna missLet's go,don't wait, this night's almost overHonest, let's make this night last foreverForever and ever, let's make this last forever(2x)Let's go, don't wait, this night's almost overHonest, let's make, this night last foreverForever and ever, let's make this last forever(3x)

You Are S...

You Are Sam From "Benny & Joon."You are very talented at physical comedy. People are in awe of your abilities. However, you have many quirks which can either win people over or completely annoy them. But you're a sweetheart through and through, and it's hard not to love you.
Take The Johnny Depp Quiz!

Anger cours...

Anger courses through veins of blood, turning my soul into a mass of black, an eager voice tries to reveal the pain within but then black turns blue, and cold, and quiet, it keeps to itself and wants nothing to do with the outside world, it feels exposed and open to attack, and instantly closes out all who try to get close, then a glimpse of the sun reaches through my skin and warms my soul, feeling safe in the open I live again, to only have some one reach through my defnesless self and to strike me down... the sky turns red and fear over takes all feeling, panicing, running, fleeing... for my life, I stop and look back on my journey and feel the same anger course through my veins once more...Unspoken words eat you up, you need to let them go, but what happens when you cant say everything how you wanted it to come out, your poetry sounds like shit, you feel horribleI have no talent for poetry, I have the feeling I dont have the written words though, passion disapears as the words go onto the screen and the meaning gets lost somewhere between my head and my finger tips... what then.... what then...Thats why i put so much stock into music, the melody breaks the silence, the lyrics cleanse the soul, the beat penetrates the soul and the passion lives within the music and no one can take that away

some...

something loved, ripped from a superficial grasp on reality, the illusion is gone, nothing is left with me but a stiring silence, a gaping hole, blinding light, burning fright, useless plight... for mercyuntitled by methis was inspired by random thought... I dont know where it came from but its there never the lessI might be writing a lil more poetry... but I might not... either way

Grandp...

Grandparents came to visit, its been fun, I got some new shorts and pants and I'm thinkin about asking for cleats but they have already done so much so .... but I need them for ultimate... I keep getting left in the dirt with out them...Oh well, Im kinda feeling strange... Im happy to have new pants.... maybe its because they look like not so baggy raver pants... they are amusing, and I finally found some good sports pants I likeIm gonna get a bike from a friend... I think Im gonna spend a lot of time just galavanting around... I dunnoi need to do my reading... and notes, I read so damn slow, that and I need to write 2 pages for each book... agh...I watch anime... you dont like it, deal with it... anyway... I just watched this really fucked up show that made no fucking sense at all... this kid... has this girl who is a friend and shes really attracive and all this stuff but the kid isnt interested and he is complaining about how life is totally ordinary... and then this girl comes to town and has a habbit of hitting him in the head with a guitar that has like this gas motor thing... its just plain fucked up...its my bed times now... later

I wo...

I woke up it was seven, I waited till elevenJust to figure out that no one would callI think I've got alot of friends, but I don't hear from themWhat's another night alone?When your spending every day on your ownAnd here it goes...I'm just a kid and life is a nightmareI'm just a kid I know that it's not fairNobody cares 'cause I'm all alone and the world isHaving more fun than me... tonightAnd maybe when the night is dead,I'll crawl into my bedStaring at these four walls againI'll try and think about the last timeI had a good time. Everyone's gotSomewhere to go, and they're gonna leave meHere on my own and here it goes...I'm just a kid and life is a nightmareI'm just a kid I know that it's not fairNobody cares 'cause I'm aloneAnd the world is havin' more fun than me...What the fuck is wrong with me?Don't fit in with anybodyHow did this happen to me?Wide awake I'm bored and I can't fall asleep and every night isThe worst night ever...I'm just a kidI'm just a kidI'm just a kid (I'm just a kid)Yeah, I'm just a kid (I'm just a kid, I'm just a kid)I'm just a kid (I'm just a kid, I'm just a kid)I'm just a kid and life is a nightmareI'm just a kid and I know that its not fairNobody cares 'cause I'm aloneAnd the world is Nobody wants to be alone in the worldI'm just a kid and life is a nightmareI'm just a kid and I know that its not fairNobody cares 'cause I'm aloneAnd the world is Nobody wants to be alone in the worldNobody cares 'cause I'm aloneand the world is having more fun than me... TonightI'm all alone... TonightNobody cares... TonightCause I'm just a kid... Tonight-Im just a kid by:Simple PlanI feel alone and I can't stand it, I mean yes I do live with my mom and brother, Im alone all day, so its like I live alone. Im so alone, I dont want to leave nmh, I don't want to leave my friends, I don't want to leave those who are more than friends, I don't want to leave all of those whom I hold dear, but at this point they seem more like a fading illusion, a dream the you could swear was so real, until it vanished when you tried to grab it... I don't to lose my home, nmh is home and I can't lose it... but at this point... it looks like it is as good as gone... How do you say goodbye to some one? If you can't even speak ... I won't be boarding next year... but I want to... why the fuck DOES EVERYTHING COST MONEY!!! WHY!! IT FUCKING SUCKS CAUSE IT DOESNT GIVE PEOPLE A CHANCE TO MOVE UP, YOU GET A LITTLE AND LIFE ENDS UP TAKING A LOT, I HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN LIFE WAS AGAINST ME AND NOW I KNOW FOR SURE, THAT LIFE DOES NOT WANT ME HAPPY, IT HAS TAKEN ALMOST EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE MADE IN THE PAST TWO YEARS, EVERYTHING! WHY CAN'T LIFE LET ME BE HAPPY! I THOUGHT FOR ONCE I COULD DO SOMETHING LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, like going to the same damn highschool for four years. but no... i have to go back to new hampshire, the one place i never wanted to be, i had no friends, now i wont have my friends, or my hobbie, frisbee was my best type of salvation at nmh, I could always just toss around and all emotion was thrown away with each throw of the disc, friends was second, with third being music. Now, no frisbee, the friends that I could always rely on... gone... now all thats left is the music.. and I'll probably be back to video games... letting my life drift into some one elses, living in a fantasy where people learn to grow strong and over come their boundaries, unlike this world where the rules are if you get fucked... its not our problem....crawling in my skinthese wounds they will not healfear is how I fallconfusing what is realthere's something inside me that pulls beneath the surfaceconsuming/confusingthis lack of self-control I fear is never endingcontrolling/I can't seemto find myself againmy walls are closing in(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take) I've felt this way beforeso insecurecrawling in my skinthese wounds they will not healfear is how I fallconfusing what is realdiscomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon medistracting/reactingagainst my will I stand beside my own reflectionit's haunting how I can't seem... to find myself againmy walls are closing in(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take) I've felt this way beforeso insecurecrawling in my skinthese wounds they will not healfear is how I fallconfusing what is realcrawling in my skinthese wounds they will not healfear is how I fallconfusing confusing what is realthere's something inside me that pulls beneath the surfaceconsuming/confusing what is realthis lack of self-control I fear is never endingcontrolling/confusing what is real-Crawling by:Linkin ParkLeaving so much unsaid is dangerous, and yet safe... you don't know who will understand and you don't know who will exploit it as nothing but a weakness, the perfect spot for a brutal attack on ones pride, leaving them to be alone with out any sense of self esteam.

I play...

I played ultimate today, it was wonderful, in the last game we played, it was to four points, I came in when it was 2-1 us, it was a 3 on 3 game. I played not too hard cause no one plays too hard on Mellow Mondays. Anyway, the other team got two points so I figured that something had to be done so what did I do? I ran for the end zone as soon as my team member got it, I ran as fast as I could. I turned around and I could see that the other guys on the other team had stopped running when they saw that the toss was too high and that they couldn't reach me before I caught it. It was perfectly flat, straight, and it flew right over my head. I grabbed it in the endzone and the score was tied at game point with their posession. I toss off and they have the disc one pass and it was caught, I looked at the man with the disc and I say him set up for a fore hand, I turned and started running after my man who was a good 20 feet in front of me, but the toss was caught by the wind, it floated and started to dive towards the ground, I was under it so I jumped and snatched it, I turned around with the disc in hand, and after one second of thought I curved the disc around two defenders perfectly leading my man towards the endzone, he stopped short but I ran up to him, he practically handed the disc to me and I tossed the disc to the girl on our team who was just in the endzone. We came back to win and it was so much fun, even the other team was like dude you schooled us in the end.twas a lot of fun and I can't wait to play againWell I don't know if I am returning to nmh as much as I want to there is very little, if not nothing I can do.

Why ...

Why can't I get these thoughts out of my head? I can't stop thinking of things that are only painful to think about, and yet I can't forget about them. I don't understand why. I have come to the conclusion that I am an artist with out a form of art, I think poeticaly but I don't have the lyrics to create poetry. If only one could see the world through my eyes some one might be able to understand why I am the way I am. While even some of my best friends read poetry and laugh at a persons emotional out let, I won't let myself be put down, I protect myself from the people I don't think I can trust. The way they act hurts although they don't mean to hurt me. They do their best not to cause the pain, and yet every time I talk to them I get a steak through my heart.I sit here, listening to a jazz song, its called space lion, its from cowboy bebop kiernan, I suggest you listen to it. Find a song, no lyrics, just sit and listen, listen to it over and over. Take in all the emotion of the music. set your mind free of everything and just be... maybe you can get a glimpse of the world through my eyes.the rain is very depressing to most people, but to me it is peaceful and calming. All that I have just said is true, and yet a diversion. I wanted to say more about things I miss, things I want, and things I love. But I... just can't say them, cause Im afraid of losing what I hold dear the most, my friends... Why can't I get these thoughts out of my head? I can't stop thinking of things that are only painful to think about, and yet I can't forget about them. I don't understand why. It hurts because my heart is toyed with, it makes me want to cry but I can't, I physically cannot. I must go now... goodnight