Why ...

Why can't I get these thoughts out of my head? I can't stop thinking of things that are only painful to think about, and yet I can't forget about them. I don't understand why. I have come to the conclusion that I am an artist with out a form of art, I think poeticaly but I don't have the lyrics to create poetry. If only one could see the world through my eyes some one might be able to understand why I am the way I am. While even some of my best friends read poetry and laugh at a persons emotional out let, I won't let myself be put down, I protect myself from the people I don't think I can trust. The way they act hurts although they don't mean to hurt me. They do their best not to cause the pain, and yet every time I talk to them I get a steak through my heart.I sit here, listening to a jazz song, its called space lion, its from cowboy bebop kiernan, I suggest you listen to it. Find a song, no lyrics, just sit and listen, listen to it over and over. Take in all the emotion of the music. set your mind free of everything and just be... maybe you can get a glimpse of the world through my eyes.the rain is very depressing to most people, but to me it is peaceful and calming. All that I have just said is true, and yet a diversion. I wanted to say more about things I miss, things I want, and things I love. But I... just can't say them, cause Im afraid of losing what I hold dear the most, my friends... Why can't I get these thoughts out of my head? I can't stop thinking of things that are only painful to think about, and yet I can't forget about them. I don't understand why. It hurts because my heart is toyed with, it makes me want to cry but I can't, I physically cannot. I must go now... goodnight